After pretending to be a normally functioning member of society, I decided to embrace unproductive wanderlust by quitting my jobs and trekking around the world. My mornings consist of waking up in foreign countries next to a local rodent to whom, in a increasingly worrisome show of mental instability, I reveal my dreams, hopes, and desires to because I left everyone I loved back home to travel the world to possibly contract Japanese encephalitis and potentially be kidnapped by guerrillas for ransom. I desperately post pictures on Facebook to make you jealous of the dream you want to live but are sensible not to pursue because you actually have a house to live in whereas I sleep on a reedy mat in Cambodia in the name of adventure, all just so I can return home and casually weave my travel exploits into conversations to demonstrate my worldliness: "Oh, you like strawberries? It's just like that time I ate a strawberry in Cape Town. Tell me I'm worthy. FORTHELOVEOFGOD. PLEASE."